Illustration by Alfredo Ramirez.

What Not to Say to a Police Officer:

• No, I don’t have any drugs. I left them at home.
• I don’t know how fast I was going because the speedometer only goes up to 120.
• Yes, I did see the speed limit sign. I just didn’t see you.
• I may be drunk, but you’re ugly.
• Want a doughnut?
• Yes, sir. (Said to a lady cop)
• Wait right here. I’ll be right back.
• Are you a rookie? ‘Cause it took you, like, five miles to pull me over.
• I didn’t realize my radar detector wasn’t plugged in.
• You need a license to drive?
• Whoops, that’s the fake one. I have the real one in here somewhere.
• I thought you had to be in good shape to be a police officer.

What you should say:

• Hi, Officer. Want a beer?

Annandale campus Police Officers Tony Ong and Andrew Jenkins pull over dispatcher Chase Briggs in a reenacted routine traffic stop.

It’s happened to many of us. We’re driving along, maybe late for class and going too fast or looking for a parking space and not paying attention to how we’re driving. Then we see blue lights flashing behind us. No matter who we are, we get nervous. We may wonder what we did wrong, or we may know. But even if we do know what we did, we don’t all know what to do next.

People tend to love police officers when they need their help and curse them when they get a traffic ticket. But the officer walking toward your car has a job to do, and part of that job is to give tickets to anyone violating traffic laws, which still apply on campus.

Remember, the officer may be nervous, too. He or she doesn’t know if you are armed or how you’ll react. And violence can happen anywhere.

According to Officer Tony Ong of the Annandale campus police, the protocol for a traffic stop begins with activating the police vehicle’s emergency lights, followed by calling the stop in, running the license plate to check for warrants and looking for anything out of the ordinary. Then, once up to the stopped vehicle, the officer will scan the driver to see if he or she is hiding something.

If running the tags reveals a warrant, then another NOVA police officer is called to the scene as backup. If no other campus police officer is available, then the officer may request assistance from a local jurisdiction.

So what should drivers do when pulled over?

Ong and Sgt. John Stasiowski, also of the Annandale campus police, offer advice on what to do when the police lights are flashing behind you.

First, find a safe location and pull over, preferably on the right shoulder out of the flow of traffic. Stasiowski said people tend to act in unpredictable ways once they notice the police lights. Some stop immediately in the road, so the police have to be prepared for anything.

After pulling over, keep your hands on the steering wheel. If it’s dark, turn on the exterior light. Lower the window in order to communicate with the officer.

Be prepared to show the officer your driver’s license, vehicle registration and proof of insurance. Stasiowski said that all three of these must be carried by drivers when operating a motor vehicle. So even if you have a valid driver’s license, if you left it at home you could still get a ticket.

So what should drivers NOT do when pulled over?

Stasiowski stressed that, when stopped by the police, you should not get out of your vehicle. The police don’t know what your intentions are, and it’s seen as a threatening move.

“It may be the practice in some other states for the officer… to motion the violator back to their vehicle, but that’s not the way it’s done in Virginia,” stated Stasiowski.

He also advised not to argue with the officer.

Not signing the ticket will result in being arrested and taken before the magistrate, according to Stasiowski. He added that signing a ticket is not an admission of guilt. It’s an acknowledgement that you’ve received the ticket, which is also a summons to court to answer to the charge.

Ever wonder why officers ask drivers if they know why the police pulled them over? Stasiowski said that sometimes the driver will reveal something else. Once, he stopped a woman for making a left turn where that action wasn’t allowed. After asking her if she knew why he pulled her over, she said it was for driving too fast.

Ong said he often hears the excuse: “I didn’t see the sign.”

He’s also heard: “I’ve only been driving for a couple of days,” which he doesn’t find credible.

“They make it seem like it’s something they’re not supposed to know immediately,” said Ong.

Another common excuse is: “I didn’t know.” This excuse doesn’t work because drivers are obligated to know traffic laws before getting a driver’s license.

“This reason why I’m stopping you is not something new,” he added.

Students aren’t the only ones who need to follow traffic laws on campus — the college faculty and staff are issued tickets if they violate the law.

NOVA student Katja Hungarter wears a German costume in the International Festival Fashion Show.

Urban Latin music, known as reggeatton, was blaring. Tables lined the room displaying native costumes, jewelry and other items from different nations. There was food that some students probably didn’t recognize.

The cafeteria of NOVA’s Alexandria campus was transformed for the 2010 International Festival on April 14. Anyone who walked in could instantly feel the energy in the room.

Representatives from the French Embassy provided information about studying abroad in France. A palm reader offered her services for $5. But the highlight of the festival was a fashion show in which students participated by dressing up in costumes from various nations including Ethiopia, Pakistan, Peru, Germany, the Philippines and Morocco.

Throughout the seven-hour long festival VJ Lazaro “Laz” Chavez, a freshman at NOVA, kept the crowd animated. He was one of the volunteers that the International Club recruited to help out at the festival. Laz said he thought that the festival was a true success and was amazed at how much he learned that day about different cultures.

“I learned about countries I had never even heard of and where different countries were located and their history. I also tried all the food from each booth,” said Laz.

The festival drew in a many people that day, largely displaying the diversity of the student body. It brought together a large number of students from all over the world to eat, dance and celebrate diverse cultures.

Car shows are an excellent way to see brand new and restored cars.

With the arrival of spring and warmer weather, car-related events become common. With automotive and auto body courses there should be some interest in car-related activities.

If you are interested in participating in, watching or perhaps just want to find out more about the particular cars you are considering buying, then the following list of car activities in DC and the surrounding areas should be of value.

Car Clubs

Are you interested in activities with other people who share common car-related interests, or have questions about certain makes of cars or activities? Joining a car club or at least visiting club meetings can be invaluable. There are car clubs for most if not all car makes, especially performance, sporty cars and antique cars. These clubs may have local chapters that are affiliated with a national club, or they may be independent clubs.

Sample marque clubs include Mustang, Mercedes Benz, Mazda, and Nissan Z. Clubs are also available for people with common interests, like autocrossing or the top down club, for folks who enjoy riding around all year with their convertible tops down.

Clubs often have a monthly meeting at a restaurant. Sometimes they have a speaker, or they put on activities like drives, autocrosses, rallies, technical sessions (which might include using dealer repair shops after hours), and car shows. They also often sponsor driving days at regional race tracks. The national car clubs often put on an annual convention which features many kinds of activities, such as the Alfa Romeo (Italian car) Owners Club national convention in Frederick, Md. from June 23-27.

Car clubs are a great place to talk to fellow owners about solving car problems and getting recommendations on servicing. There are often discounts on parts available and often a newsletter is published. Yearly membership can range from about $25 to $60.

A large nationwide organization is the Sportscar Club of America. They put on professional and amateur road races at various tracks, as well as staging hillclimbs, autocrosses, rallies, and time trials. The DC chapter’s website is wdcr-scca.org.

Thinking of car clubs, why aren’t there any car clubs at the NOVA campuses?

Autocrossing

Want to drive fast around tight curves set up in a course marked with orange highway cones in a paved lot? This activity is autocrossing. Vehicles are sent out on the course individually and timed. Most courses are set up in stadium parking lots, like at FedEx Field, and baseball stadiums like at Frederick and Bowie. Helmets are required as well as a car safety inspection. Early in the year autocross schools are often held. Many clubs hold these events and sometimes allow non-club entries if space is available. Often participants are allowed at least three runs through a course, and in club events there are often more runs allowed. Entry fees normally range from $25-$30 per driver.

An area calendar is at autocrosses.org. The Mazda Sportscar Club is putting on autocrosses in July and October at Bowie and welcomes non-members. Their website is mscw.com.

Go Karts

Want to drive around curves but not in your own vehicle? Go karts have bare and ultra-light chassis with horsepower ranging from 5 to 30. High speeds can be attained in large outdoor courses, which are often available at road racing and other tracks. The nearest course is Old Dominion Speedway in Manassas, whose website is olddominionspeedway.com.

There is an indoor course – Allsports Grand Prix – which is about a mile from the Loudoun campus in Sterling, Va. Its karts feature 5.5 horsepower Honda engines with top speeds of about 35 mph. The karts and the course feature rubberized curbs which minimize collision dangers. Participants rent a well-used racing suit, helmet and a kart. Sessions for individuals are priced about $25 per ten minutes with a printout provided of lap times after the session. Their website is allsportsgp.com.

Driving at Speed

Want to learn and practice with you own vehicle at speeds nearing race speeds? Regional race tracks host driving schools and practice sessions on their circuits, which are often put on by car clubs or other organizations. For instance, the Friday at the Track at Summit Point Raceway session offers an introduction to high speed driving with your car under the supervision of experienced instructors. Cars require a safety inspection and convertibles often need roll bars. The cost for FATT is about $250 for the day.

Car Rallies

Car rallies feature various kinds of activities in the participants’ own cars, usually on public roads, and offer different levels of competition and speeds. More casual events like gimmick rallies involve following course directions and answering questions from signs along the way, with occasional checkpoints. A poker rally involves just picking up a playing cards at the checkpoints with the best hand winning.

There are higher pressure events called time-speed-distance rallies that require following set speeds with sometimes tricky directions, with checkpoints timing the cars.

This year the DC chapter of SCCA is putting on a series of these rallies, including a school in April.

Other types of rallies are run on non-public dirt or gravel roads and involve driving as fast as possible with checkpoints along the course. The SCCA sponsors rallycross and pro rally calendars.

Drag Racing

Want to drive your car down a straight race strip or want to see some wild cars and dragsters roar down the strip? Then you should go to a drag strip. Cars take off from a standing start and are timed at the end of the strip. The closest strip to DC in Virginia is at Old Dominion Speedway which features a shorter, 1/8 mile strip. Racing is Friday nights, with another night called Test and Trial where participants can try out their car in a lower pressure atmosphere. Another Virginia dragstrip is Summerduck in Fauquier County, at summerduckdragway.com.

Maryland drag strips include those at Capitol Raceway in Waldorf, at capitolraceway.com, and Maryland International Raceway in Budd’s Creek, at mirdrag.com. These drag strips have the more conventional ¼ mile long strips.

Compiled by NOVA Fortnightly staff (because we had nothing better to do with our time off)

14 things you should not have done…

1. Stayed home. WTF?
2. Worn a Speedo. We don’t care how popular it is in Europe.
3. Woken up early and shown up to class. The calendar feature on your cell phone is there to prevent this sort of thing. Use it.
4. Thought your hairy back didn’t need shaving. OMG.
5. Gotten arrested. It’s already hard enough to get a job, although you’ll have quite a story to tell the grandkids someday.
6. Flashed the Girls Gone Wild film crew.
7. Exceeded the speed limit south of the Mason-Dixon Line. (See “gotten arrested.”)
8. Picked up crabs on the beach. You know what we mean.
9. Signed anything that looked like a marriage document.
10. Posted all those embarrassing photos on your Facebook account. Blurry or not, we can tell what you were doing.
11. Blogged the number of shots or hookups you had, especially if your mom, S.O., boss or religious leader can see your updates.
12. Thought that the opposite sex found you attractive. You can upload Photoshopped pix to Facebook, but it doesn’t work in real life. Especially with that Speedo on.
13. Maxed out your credit card on sunless tans and hair extensions before you even left for the trip.
14. Forgotten to get a bikini wax. It’s not the ‘70s, you know.

Now, one might ask how bad my dates could have possibly been to make me feel this way. It seems like I have had especially bad experiences compared to my friends. Some of my first dates could have been right out of a comedy. Though, the more appropriate genre would be horror.

What I am about to tell is the epitome of a bad date. Unfortunately, this story has not been expanded or fabricated in any way.

Once upon a time in the far-away land of Fairfax, Va., this guy – I will call him Tim – asked me out on a date to a romantic dinner and movie. He was cute and quite popular in high school. He liked me, too. So how could I resist?

In retrospect, the first mistake was agreeing to go out on Friday the 13^th.

Tim picked me up. As soon as we started driving there was a horrible scraping noise under the car, like nails down a chalkboard. It sounded like something was being dragged along. Because the scraping was so loud I could only hear half of what my date was saying. Despite that, we had a good interesting conversation.

Merging onto the highway, we got lost. He pulled off the road and started cursing at his GPS system that had apparently misled us. After 30 minutes of calling friends and family, we finally received directions on how to get to the movie theater.

As we pulled up to the theater, those on the streets stared as they maybe wondered what on earth was making that horrible sound under Tim’s car.

As Tim pulled into a parking space, he hit a car. He angrily muttered under his breath and inspected the damage. When he got back in his car, he off-handily said, “It’s fine,” and finished pulling his car into the parking spot.

He sighed and looked at me. All right, now let’s go have fun! “Ha ha, yeah, all right,” I thought to myself. But how much worse could the situation actually get?

Walking into the theater we realized we had missed the showing of Slumdog Millionaire. Just one other movie was playing at this time. So, Confessions of a Shopaholic it was. During the entire movie Tim was quite the sport. I have to admit he did a pretty good job of pretending to look interested in the girlie, pre-teen movie. Of course he had to make it more awkward by trying to put his arm around me. He could pick up on my awkward vibe because within five minutes his arm was back by his side.

When the movie ended, it was only 10 p.m., not late enough to pull the whole “Oops it’s getting past my curfew excuse.” So, instead I used the “I’m not feeling very well, so I should probably get back home,” excuse. That one he bought, thank God.

As we were driving away from the theater, I saw a girl clutching her ears from the screeching sound Tim’s car was making.

Within five minutes of heading back, we heard a huge bang. What was that we wondered? Tim got out of his car to inspect the situation.

From the side view mirrors I saw Tim pick up his bumper from the side of the road, lug it back to his car and stick it in the trunk. The good news? There would be no more screeching for the rest of the drive home.

We were almost home when Tim stopped at a gas station because the tank was nearly empty.

“Shoot,” I heard Tim shout from the side of the car. “Oh, no,” I thought to myself. What could it possibly be this time?

“What’s wrong Tim?” I sweetly asked. He informed me that he did not have his wallet. He must have left it in the theater.  In one fell swoop, I stepped out of the car and went up to the counter to pay for Tim’s gas.

“All right, let’s get you home,” Tim sadly remarked as he finished pumping the gas and sat back down in the car. He said he would go retrieve it the following day. As much as it pained me to say it, and believe me, it did pain me, I convinced him to head back to the theater to retrieve it.

We looked but did not find the wallet. So we finally migrated back to the car and called it a night. We were both rather silent the entire way back.

And we lived happily never after.

I did not talk to Tim for a while after that day. In fact, the next and last text I got from him said he had brought his car in to the shop and was told that after hearing that screeching noise we should not have taken it on the highway. There was a good chance it could have exploded.

Well, there it is folks. Still don’t understand why I don’t like first dates?

The good news is the experience makes an amazing story. Seriously, whenever I encounter an awkward conversation I just ask, “Hey, wanna hear a funny story?” Not to mention, I know in the back of my head that a date cannot possibly get worse than that.

The finished lifecast of Chris Pilcher's face, made with a plaster-gypsum mix, and with a faux-metallic finish.

There I sat, my face covered in goop, my hair wadded up in a rubber bald cap and my chest covered in a barber’s drape. No, this wasn’t the result of a wild night out gone horribly awry, but art in progress. Lifecasting is an art form. It is also a lot of fun. The premise is simple: take a mold of someone’s face, hand or other body part using a substance called alginate, pour some plaster into the mold, and voilà! You have art!

In practice, it actually takes years of experience to do correctly, as something as simple as the wrong water temperature when making the alginate can result in a problem. And, of course, you cannot just take a cast of someone’s belly, stick it on a wooden board, and say, “Here you go, that’ll be 50 bucks.

Many lifecasts are painted after they finish drying.

But, you may ask, who practices such an art? Lots of people. There is a world-wide community of artists, called the Association of Lifecasters International, or ALI for short. Members range from part-time hobbyists to professional lifecasters. And, as chance would have it, NOVA is graced with the presence of one such member, NOVA Fortnightly’s own Kama Storie.

Based out of Fairfax, Storie has been lifecasting for 10 years, and the experience definitely shows. It isn’t easy, keeping the alginate out of a person’s airways, while simultaneously trying to spread it to the entire face before it starts to dry. Storie did a spectacular job of keeping one of my most basic and needed functions working. The whole process took about 30 minutes, including the time it took to mix the alginate and cut the plaster bandages.

So what exactly is the process?

It starts with a bald cap, keeping hair out of the face and therefore out of the path of the alginate. Then comes the relaxing cholesterol conditioning, which covers any and all facial hair so that it, too, does not stick to the alginate. After this is done, the alginate is spread all over the face, even over the eyes and the lips, but keeping the nostrils clear. Once this layer sets a little, another layer of alginate goes on, which is promptly covered with a plaster bandage, so that the mold will keep its shape.

From there, the mold is pulled off the face, and the person can take a nice, deep breath through his mouth. But that isn’t all. After the mold is completely dried and ready for casting, the artist mixes together a plaster made of gypsum and subsequently pours it into the mold.

Once the plaster has dried, the mold is cut away, revealing in stunning detail a replica of the subject’s face. From here on out, it is all down to creativity. The artist may paint pictures on the cast or coat it in a metallic paint, making it look like metal, or even simply leave it the way it is.

Many different body parts can be cast. The material used for the mold is the same material used by dentists to take molds of teeth and is therefore non-toxic. Many people have their children’s hands or feet lifecasted. Some people even have casts taken of babies before the babies are even born. These are called pregnant belly masks, and are usually decorated with pictures, writing or a mold of the mother’s arms holding the mask.

There are also many casts of adults holding hands with their children or spouses. Newlyweds often get a cast made of their hands sporting their wedding rings, and in some cases, the wedding rings themselves are even added to the finished mold, so that they never lose the ring.

Molds have been taken of animals: dogs, cats, lizards, snakes. You name it, they have probably had a cast taken of it. This is a good way for someone to remember a pet, even long after the pet has passed on.

Lifecasting is fun. It is different. And it looks very cool. If you want more information, or are interested in having it done to your own face, you can check out Storie’s web site at Body-soul.biz. More information is available on ALI at Lifecasting.org.

1. Do you have a map? Because I am lost in your eyes.
2. Do you know karate? ‘Cause your body sure is kickin’.
3. I’ve lost my number. May I have yours?
4. That outfit looks wonderful on you. It would look better on my floor.
5. If I said you had a nice body, would you hold it against me?
6. Do you have a bandage? I just scraped my knee falling for you.
7. Be different; say yes.
8. I know why Solomon had 700 wives. He never met you.
9. If I had a nickel for every time I saw someone as beautiful as you, I’d have five cents.
10. Hi, I work for NOVA Fortnightly.

Have any funny pick up lines? Post them in the comments.

When that happens, there are two things you can do. You can either give up on the relationship and hope she doesn’t tweet about everything she believes you did wrong on Twitter, or you can try to make amends with flowers.

But how many flowers should you give? Just a single rose or a dozen doesn’t always make up for your bad deed. So, to help you out, here’s a guide.

Alex Gioeli and Erin Lindgren perform together in the band Glass I.

A Centreville-based band is set to hit the airwaves and the local music clubs this spring. Their music, a fusion of piano and violin instrumentals set to an electronica backdrop, challenges its audience to redefine rock music.

The Black Cat is filled with admiring fans, and the two-member ensemble with a flair for the theatrics captured their hearts and pulled in their attention to the musical spectacle. Alex Gioeli, 19, has always dreamed for this scene to come to fruition. Turn a pedestrian gaze at Gioeli and see nothing out of the seemingly mundane college sophomore. Open an inquiring eye and see a passionate and ambitious musician looking to make it big one day.

When he’s not studying at Northern Virginia Community College, Gioeli is a musician in his band, Glass I, with girlfriend Erin Lindgren.

“Our music is modern emotional music using classical instruments,” he said, excitement sparkling in his eyes.

Inspired by the likes of Radiohead, Amanda Palmer and Incubus, Gioeli writes songs as naturally as he breathes air. He uses computer programming to record electronic beats, to which he adds piano and drums to the mix. Lindgren plays the violin and is the co-lead vocals of the band.

“She has an incredible voice,” Gioeli said of his bandmate’s soulful crooning.

Glass I is nothing short of a creative and theoretical approach to rock music. The band is not afraid of blazing a new trail and creating a sub-genre of its own.

“It’s very different from the normal rock band line-up of guitar, drum, bass and vocals, but that doesn’t mean we don’t make music that you can rock out to. We’re doing a lot of experimentation with different vocal techniques, and both of us are learning a lot about what our instruments can do with every new song that we write,” Lindgren added.

The musical chemistry between the Gioeli and Lindgren can be attributed to their relationship outside the band. Having met two years ago at a mutual friend’s concert, their love for music drew them together.

Lindgren was classically trained vocally and has been playing the violin for eight years. Gioeli, on the other hand, learned the piano by himself. He started playing with the instrument first when he was in the second grade, but it was only last year when he took the initiative to learn it.

Upon driving home with Amanda Palmer playing on the airwaves, he was suddenly struck with the inspiration to learn the piano. According to Gioeli, Palmer wasn’t trained, nor could she read music notes, but was determined to learn it by herself. Gioeli took this as his cue to learn the piano and create his own music.

Lindgren recalls that Gioeli spent five hours just learning how to play. “He is still teaching himself piano and doesn’t know how to read music, but that doesn’t stop him at all,” she stated.

When asked to paint a picture of his future, Gioeli said that he would want to be touring or writing for his second or third album in five years. If music doesn’t work out, he plans to work for a music magazine in New York to buy time until he can tour.”

Music is the only option for Gioeli, and he is working hard to get to where he wants to be. He wants to be able to connect with his fans through his music, and be able to reach out to them in a way that language alone can’t.

“I want them to be able to say that my music saved their [lives],” he said adamantly, his eyes full of promise.

The band already played in Jaxx Nightclub in Springfield last October. They’re looking to score more gigs this year, specifically hoping to play in Jammin’ Java in Vienna and the Black Cat in D.C.

The local music clubs should make way, and people should start taking notice. Glass I started recording this winter. The band has songs available on their MySpace page at myspace.com/glassi, and is set to create new songs that will hopefully find their way to local airwaves.