Top Ben & Jerry’s Halloween Ice Cream Flavors
By: The Sick & Twisted Staff of NOVA Fortnightly

Hazmat
Botulism (when Botox isn’t enough)
Apples & Razorblades
Toothpaste & Orange Juice
Monkey Poo
Beard Clippings
Pureed Kitty w/Meow Mix
Brain Tissue
Freezer Burn
Expired Pearl Jam
Mint Lead Paint Chip

Best Things to Do for Halloween Other Than Trick-or-Treating

Put out-of-order signs on all the bathrooms.
Have a sacrifice to the Chocolate Goddess in B Lot.
Run for the SGA.
Dabble in uranium isotopes.
Turn off all the lights, watch the movie “Insidious” & eat popcorn.
Cook up doubtful dishes for consumption.
Tape hair from the hair salon on a public toilet bowl to make it seem like The Grudge is coming out of it.

Ways to scare the living hell out of your neighbors

Walk around the yard carrying an ax.
Put a severed head (preferably a fake one) in the front yard, hide in the bushes and call out, “Save me!” when people walk by.
Put mannequins in the front yard and blend in among them until the kiddies come around, then move in for the scare.

Reasons to stay inside on Halloween

You don’t have any clean sheets to make your usual ghost costume with.
You’ll get jumped if the kids think you have candy.
You’ll finally get all the homework done that you’ve put off since the first day of classes.
Drunk next door neighbors.
To avoid all the Elsa (from “Frozen”) look-a-likes.
To avoid becoming an Elsa look-a-like.
To keep all of the candy.
Because your costume is just too embarrassing.

By: NOVA Fortnightly Staff

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